Big Girls Don’t Cry

Pick up the whole story from here.

Iunia’s reflection on her life leaves her more desperate and alone. She knows the man that told her that he loved her is a liar and a cheater and cannot be relied on. But she still feels like he is the only man left on Earth. It’s really strange how such a bond between two strangers became so strong. She can’t even remember when she dreamt of Chris coming over and cuddling in his arms felt reassuring. Ben was as sincere as he could, and Iunia figured it might have worked, that she wasn’t the one to fall head over heels. It was that awkward moment when adults still get surprised or more like caught with their pants down. Iunia picks the phone and dials the number of her ex-colleague and longtime friend:

– What’s up, Oano?

– Same all, same all, you know.

– Unfortunately I do! Iunia needed to hear the soft, even voice of her friend, the voice of „takes one to know one”. Wanna have dinner at Don Vitto’s, sharing a pizza? I must tell you right now that the lava cake I won’t share.

– Yeah, I’ll be there. No worries about the lava cake, I always wonder how can you something that sweet.

They meet later on and after ordering and feeling comfortable enough Iunia tells her about the whole Benji business.

– Iunia sweetie, you know what I have discovered?! Men cannot hold on to a single word they say. For instance: my casual fuck never calls me, we only arrange meetings on yahoo mess. Can you even imagine that? Who the hell uses yahoo anymore? He’s more than emotionally challenged, he is handicapped emotionally.

– True, I know what you are saying, but we cannot live without men! I mean I don’t… I don’t…

– You know what else I have noticed? You and I are already set against the general optimistic trend. I have heard such bullshit that I am bringing down the energies… I mean, OMG! it’s a load of crap! What energies? Have we become those kind of people that are into yoga, what the fuck are we talking about… Oana is lost in her dissertation and when she stops, Iunia doesn’t even feel like sharing anymore.

– When did we become old and pragmatic?!

– I am so sorry, Iunia, sweetie, I didn’t mean to bring you down. It’s just that sometimes I feel that I have dealt with my disappointment all my life and other than this there was nothing. The moments of sheer happiness were so short I stopped thinking about them. Would you rather I’d lie?

– No, you know I really appreciate when we have time to talk like this. I don’t need the exaltation or the pet on the head. Still I feel that life it’s complicated and unfair and this coping, the compromise of settling with whatever life give it’s… it’s… I don’t want to be that kind of a woman…

– And which kind is that? Oana smiles at her somehow condescending, but the smile is warm.

– I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just that… if I accept the fact that there are a few eligible men and those men are not that into you… it’s like lying down and dying.

– Don’t make it sound so dramatic ‘cause it’s not. It’s not even about compromise because you don’t want to think about the alternative – being single with strong life precepts. I am not saying you should accept whatever comes to you, I am saying we made our choice long time ago. I did it when  I got divorced and you when deciding not to get married. It’s not that I am older and wiser, it’s about choosing myself and getting the best out of the life I have. And I have a lot to enjoy: the company of my friends, a good art history book, good music and always Florence. Let’s go there for a weekend!

– I would, but I can’t! What if he comes back and I am not here? What if he doesn’t even bother to look for me and moves on?

– You do realize that if he does look for you when he knows you’ll be there, maybe he is not in love… Are you sure you want this? He should want you at least as much as you want him. I am not the one to offer such advice, but I don’t want you to suffer.

Iunia looks down at her hands and thinks.

– I don’t care! I just want him here, I don’t even care if he has real feelings for me. I want to be lied and I want to be pampered in the same time. Feeling something is better than any cold judgment, even if it hurts.

The lava cakes is served and the conversation moves on to more exciting topics.

„And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry”

 

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